Begin Again
I have always been a very goal oriented person. I love spending the end of the month assessing my wins, how close I was to achieving my targets, and re-strategizing for the month ahead. I am so excited to when there seems to be a plan I can use to achieve the results I want to see. Sometimes though, we cannot create SMART goals towards some changes we would like to see. When it comes to the inner work, there is no real timeline and change is oftentimes non-linear.
March has been a tough month for me. The first few weeks I was struggling with isolation and stress from work, which felt like a setback to my goals, namely:
Write and read like my purpose depends on it (because it does)
Workout 5x weekly
Build my professional network
The first two weeks, I really felt like I was not making any progress at all. When I flip through my journal and read what I was going through then I’m reminded of how lost I really felt. On March 8th I wrote, “I feel hope and confidence slipping through my fingers.“ Not great.
Despite it all, things slowly began to shift as I focused less so on the rigidity of the plan I had to achieve my March goals but I focused on rest. When I was able to rest, to sleep, to nourish myself, I was able to give more of myself to all the demands of my day. So looking towards April, I choose to reset. I choose not to look at all I didn’t do and didn’t quite achieve because I made progress.
I am reading a book I am absolutely loving, and although I have not finished it this month I am savoring every bit of it. Maybe I’ll write a review here for you all.
On average, I worked out 3.5 times a week which is way better than nothing.
I sent out the emails, reached out to folks, and although I didn’t hear back from many of them I put myself out there. I also attended my first Black Women in Finance virtual event which was absolutely amazing.
After a really hard day, I knew I didn’t want the residue of the difficulty to seep into the next day so I started a ritual. I would have a long steaming hot shower (yes, I like to parboil a bit in the shower) and rinse off all of the day. Then I would change for bed, put on some perfume, and write it all out in my journal. I would purge all my emotions to get it all out. This was really tough for me at times because I often felt very validated by my frustrations, but I also knew sitting in it was not good for me. The next morning after my devotionals, I would write three things I am grateful for from the previous day. This is my process for feeling my feelings in a way that makes me feel safe and empowered. Some weeks it felt like I was choosing to begin again every single day, and sometimes that is what it takes.
So as April approaches, I want to run my race well. Hebrews 12:1-2 says, Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. 2 We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.
As we enter into spring, I want to assess what are the things that deplete my energy and how I can avoid them. I want to focus on my rest and live my life centering stillness. I feel like I am always trying to find time for rest, but I want to flip things round. I also want to come up with my own definition of success so that my goals are continuously steering me in that direction. Because there are so many good things I could have as goals for myself, but not all good things are good for me.
Every new month, week, day, hour is an opportunity to begin again. And while there is still breath in your lungs, you have the power to begin again.