Bad Friday

This is how today started

I got up and changed

I went to pick up a green juice and some croissants

(Because life is about balance)

I started to feel you evade my space

But I busied myself

I had a parcel to pick up 

I had some writing to do

I had some phone calls to make

(Distractions)

I don’t know how you happen to me

It’s been twelve years

I don’t know why you’re not done with me

I don’t know why you always come back

I started to feel myself sinking

I was exhausted from the past few months (or year)

I lay down to catch my breath

& I felt your weight heavily on me

In that moment I could have chosen to distract myself, like I usually do

I could have pushed you away and ignored you 

But I just let you happen because I didn’t have it in me to fight

Because I know I am stronger than you 

But some days I am weak

If I know anything about you

As slyly as you came, you will leave again

Maybe I’ve been doing this all wrong

Trying to avoid you

Trying to preoccupy myself to the point of numbness 

So I welcome you today, do your worst

And today will be your last

Because you will no longer be welcome here