Comparison is The Thief of Joy

In the age of social media, comparison has become a natural instinct. I imagine when my mom was growing up and she wanted to imagine ‘better’ she had to do that, imagine. Now in the palm of our hands, we are able to see beyond our wildest imaginations.

We no longer simply fear missing out, but we have anxiety of what could be. Whenever we see a new 30 under 30 list, some of us look at ourselves and feel the impending doom of turning 30 with ‘nothing to show for it’. When we see someone our age that is married/a homeowner/wealthy/insert whatever you want but don’t have, we begin to question how it is possible for them and not us?

A few years ago, I wasn’t content with the life I was living and becoming doubtful in myself as a writer. My friend Modé, told me that comparison is the thief of joy. It was the first time I heard the phrase and it hit me in my soul. By comparing myself to my literary favorites, I was robbing myself of the joy of becoming my own favorite (and yours). By comparing myself to the lives of people around me and getting bogged down what what I lacked, I wasn’t appreciating what I had and wasn’t recognizing the autonomy I had to work towards the life I want.

We have conversations about how Instagram is a toxic space that perpetuates unrealistic standards, but we don’t unpack why these standards affect us in the ways that it does? I don’t say this to belittle anyone and any negative experiences on Instagram. But what if we created our own standards to live by that aligned with our own values? What if we were able to scroll past images that don’t align with our beliefs as easily as we skip songs on a playlist. Societies standards are constantly changing and evolving, and if we tried to keep up we wouldn’t even be able to. It’s unsustainable.

@nafisabakkar posted on her Instagram stories, “What if actually someone’s Instagram is not a highlight reel and in fact the tip of the iceberg of their fantastic life? What then? How do you process that?”

How do you process that? If someone chooses to only post the highlight reel, why is that any less real or valid than the pain? Why do we compare their best with our worst?

I don’t have the answers to these questions. But I am thankful that I am in the process of defining my values for myself and undoing my need for external validation. I am believing in myself more and more that I don’t need to compare myself to any one other than myself.

I can say now that I believe in myself enough to do absolutely anything I put my mind to. This challenge is teaching me that, and it took a lot courage.

If comparison is the thief of joy then self belief and courage are restorers of joy.