Auf Wiedersehen, Pet.

Graduating from college was tinged with sadness. On the one hand I was about to start a new journey moving to New York City to begin a career on Wall Street. On the other hand, I was saying goodbye to my friends and place that I had grown to love.

To be honest, if there had been an option to stay for one more year I might have thought twice about it. I loved the safety of being within a few minutes walk of my closest friends. I loved academia because I was good at it. I had no idea what New York would have for me, and I really didn’t know what being out on my own would mean.

New York, I’ve learned, is an incredibly intoxicating city. In less than two years, this concrete jungle has become my home and I really couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. 

In the past year however, I have been forced to reckon with the brutality of the pandemic and all the best parts of my new life being taken away. I’ve had to look at the city, streets quiet, buildings emptied and ask myself is this what I want?

This reckoning lead to many questions, some that I am still grappling today. I am sitting in the discomfort of not knowing what I want while knowing this isn’t what I want. In the past twenty days though, I have practiced becoming brave enough to create more of what I want.

I no longer want to cower to difficulty, but open my arms to them because they will come. Each day, showing up has had it’s challenges but I am so proud of myself for showing up anyway.

I can now say with surety that I am a writer (because I write), and I will continue to write everyday. But I want to ensure that my writing isn’t performative so I may no longer be posting everyday though I hope to continue sharing when and where I can.

I thought I would be sad to end this challenge, but it is quite the opposite. This challenge isn’t really an ending, but an opening to something more. In Untamed, Glennon Doyle said, “every life is an unprecedented experiment” and after a year of so many unprecedented situations. I look forward to more experiments and creating my own path focusing solely on my own desires.

Thank you for going on this journey with me.

20/20