Joy, Joy, Joy

On Wednesday I started a three-day no food fast. It was my first time doing a no food fast, and if I’m being honest I didn’t want to do it, but I believed I needed it. I was praying for many things, but I specifically wanted to experience the joy of the Lord. I wanted to believe that I just as I am, that God loves me. It’s strange to admit that. That after almost 9 years of being a Christian, I sometimes question whether if God loves me. For me it is so easy to believe in His love and power for others but I find myself questioning my worthiness of His love (and love generally).

The first day was difficult. I felt weak. I was slightly irritable, but at each meal time I decided to read the Word, listen to a sermon or play some worship music and it really encouraged me to continue (Matthew 4:4). On the second day, I woke up feeling weaker. I felt tense in my shoulders and slightly heavy. I was starting to feel discouraged, but I remembered that I knew the fast would be hard and messaged my friend for some encouragement. I kept wondering why my fast wasn’t glorious spiritual experience where I would hear the choir from heaven singing, but it really wasn’t like that.

My fast was crushing. It dealt a lot with my pride because I really couldn’t share how beautiful and amazing it was because it did not feel that way at all. By the end of Thursday, I crawled into bed and prayed to God in my frailty. I was reminded of my humanness, my imperfection and that in my weakness His strength is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9). I prayed that God would reveal Himself to me in my dreams and He did. He met me right where I needed Him to. He told me that even if the thing I fear the most were to happen, He is able to turn it around for my good. It was so specific to me and an internal battle I’ve been fighting.

So when I woke up on Friday after two days of not eating, I woke up energized. The scripture that came to mind immediately was Nehemiah 8:10, the joy of the Lord is my strength. I had so much energy I actually felt like dancing. I did not feel the weakness from the prior days. I was still hungry, but I was full.

I thought that when it came time to break my fast I would be ravenous, but I didn’t really feel the need to eat so much. This is not to say that food isn’t important, but instead to emphasize the importance of holistic nourishment. Today, all I feel is joy and I know I won’t feel this all days but I am grateful that I can come back to this and remember.

I have to thank Demi Osunsina who leads skinneedsofficial on Instagram for leading this three day fast. I am so grateful.