Let’s Stop Saying We’re Okay, Shall We?
I am so guilty of doing this. When I'm going through something or having a bad day my friends have to literally pry it out of me, and I'm so thankful for the patience but why do I do this? It's like an automated response:
Friend: How are you doing Alexa?
Me: I'm fine.
Me to me: Girl, why are you lying?
I constantly feel like I have to apologize for my emotions. Like they're too burdensome to share with my friends. If your friends make you feel like your emotions are a burden... are they really your friends?
So, I'm not okay actually. I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I feel like I'm being pulled in a lot of directions with my school work, extra curricular activities, the organizations I run and work with. I feel like I'm under pressure to create content here and post, but I don't want to scrimp on quality just to churn out posts.
However, I will smile throughout this process because I know that I am doing something and despite my fatigue I know that my hard work will pay off. Even if it does not pay off by of getting a 4.0 GPA or getting a million views on each blog post, I know that I am making an impact and I am learning and growing.
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I want to live an honest life. So I'm trying not to lie about how I feel anymore, and instead own it. Because if we are all being real with ourselves, we all have phases that aren't the most exciting and are in fact quite difficult and I believe true joy is being content with the entire process and not just the high points.
On days where you feel like you're angry and sad and you can't make sense of the world. You are normal and you are justified in those emotions. Where you feel like you can't seem to get it right, try again tomorrow. When you feel you are falling too short of perfection and you're not deserving of good things - you are enough and you deserve everything that life has to offer you. When you think you don't have the capability to love or be loved again, your heart is bigger than the pain.
It's okay not to be okay. I don't think I can say that enough.
Psalm 30:5 Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning.