How To Be Alone
As someone who loves to be in control, this global pandemic has felt unnerving at times. Not only am I not in control, but no one has the answers to the questions that swirl in my head. How long will we be at home? When next will I see my loved ones? When will it be safe to return to life as we knew it? Will life be as we knew it?
Despite it all as an introvert, this time of social distancing has been restorative in many ways. Especially given the demands of my job and life in the Big Apple. It has also been chillingly lonely too. My roommate left our apartment in Brooklyn to go be with her family. I would have done the same too if I had the option, but here is where I find myself. I have had moments of utter despair where I’ve just wanted to be held, but I’ve had to hold myself and remember that this is only temporary.
Being alone is easier when it’s your choice. “Being alone doesn’t have to mean lonely,” I whisper to myself. But in this season where some of our only touchpoints are through screens and over the phone, I’ve come to appreciate the beauty of the community I have. Having lived away from my family for the 7th year and counting, I’ve (un)fortunately grown accustomed to missing celebrations and not being able to show up for people how I would prefer. But I know for many people, this is the first time they are really alone and it can be difficult to process. So here is my guide on how to be alone. These steps are in no particular order so take what is meaningful to you.
Step 1: Cry if you feel like it. We are experiencing an unprecedented global pandemic that no one alive has ever lived through. Cry because even though you may feel you might not be able to piece yourself back together, you will. You are resilient.
Step 2: Shower/bathe/wash your face. Allow the water to rush over you and cleanse your spirit. I believe any experience can be a spiritual experience, and you can emerge out of your shower utterly renewed and ready to begin again.
Step 3: Wear absolutely whatever you want to wear. Most days I wear sweatpants and comfy tops, but today I decided to put on a wig, beat my face, dress up and I feel good. I still wear perfume every day because I love how I smell and I get to enjoy that for myself. You do not need permission or an occasion to get dolled up if that’s what you want to do. If you need permission, I am giving it to you.
Step 4: Exhale fully. Drop your shoulders and unclench your jaw. You cannot bear the world on your shoulders. You are not in control, and it sucks. Somehow it feels like the world has stopped, but you are spinning. See step 1.
Step 5: The internet will become a great friend. You have the time to catch up with friends you may not have spoken to in a while. You can watch all the shows and movies you have had on your list. You can make TikTok videos with your friends, and then re-watch them and laugh to yourself. The internet is a tool for connectivity — so you don’t have to feel alone.
Step 6: This might be controversial… but rest. Sleep, sleep and sleep some more. Sleep allows your body to rejuvenate and reset. It will not change what is happening outside, but it will give you the energy to deal with it all.
Step 7: Do not text him. Do not call him. Do not reply to his DMs. He wasn’t worth it pre-corona and he certainly is not worth it now. Choose yourself.
Step 8: You have a lot to be grateful for. You may feel defeated, but there is always victory on the other side. Get some paper and a pen, writer down all the things that are still true.
I am kind.
I am beautiful.
I am a daughter.
I am a sister.
I am valuable because I exist.
I am creative.
I am a good friend.
Read it back to yourself out loud. Even a pandemic cannot change these things.
Step 9: While the internet allows us to connect, you need to know when to unplug. I cannot tell you when that is — I haven’t quite figured that out myself. But you will know when you need a moment to yourself. Get out a notebook and journal. Your thoughts will not feel so nebulous when they are out of your head and on paper.
Step 9b: Get into The Word and pray. God has been desperate for our attention for so long. He wants us to draw closer to Him. He can give you the peace you are looking for if you let Him work on your heart.
Step 10: Believe it or not, we are all creative beings. This can be the time for you to pick up old (or new) hobbies. You can write, paint, draw, sing, or dance. You can try all the recipes you’ve never had the time to. You can learn a new language or how to code. You can try out that puzzle you’ve never attempted to do. This isn’t necessarily your next side hustle unless you want it to be. But allow your soul to shine through and out of you.
Being alone looks different every day, and while we do not know when it will come to an end I have a lot of faith that there is a lot to be taken from this season. I’ve chosen to see this solitude and time as a gift. It will be a metamorphosis, and I will (hopefully) emerge feeling whole and as passionate as ever to be alive and living.